9 (2009)

Artistic. Visual. After-thought. (AVA)

Final Verdict: If anything can be said for certain, it's that 9 lacks a target audience; it's too bizarre and scary for children but not mature enough for adults. The best case for it's survival is not going to be from box office sales, but from some sort of undergound cult following similar to Tim Burton's Nightmware Before Christmas or Nickelodeon's Invader Zim. The character designs, referred to as a type of "stitch-punk" by director Shane Acker, are creative, fun, and fascinating to see come alive. The scenery and environments are of the same caliber, making a post-war setting new again by viewing it from the eyes of six-inch, newly-born creatures. Unfortunately, the story and dialogue almost seem like an afterthought to these imaginitive ideas, and as such, it doesn't quite have the same charm as a movie like WALL-e. The storytelling is simple and sometimes boring, and in the end it doesn't even make complete sense. The film was originally spawned from an 11-minute short, and that's exactly what it feels like: a big budget movie with a great concept but a lot of filler. I like it for it's creativity, I'm even considering buying it when it comes out, but it definately has some major flaws.

Spoiler(s): It's surprisingly metaphysical near the end. Odd move, but it isn't terrible.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 57%

"We had such potential, such promise." -Scientist

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Exciting. Violent. Misdirection. (EVM)

Final Verdict: This film may be shocking for it's over-the-top vulgarity, it's naked, objectified women, and it's unapologetic glamorization of violence, but nothing is more surprising and outrageous than the explosive plot shift near the end. George Clooney (or Cloondog, for those in the know) is a quintessential badass in this film, and Quentin Taratino is perfect as the sadistic, psycho brother. Some of the action is a little corny at times, but it's usually so over-the-top that it's actually pretty cool. This movie is a classic and one of the best in it's genre. If you haven't seen this yet, PLEASE go see it! It's one-of-a-kind!

Spoiler(s): I can't spoil this one. It's too good. It's like spoiling the end of Fight Club by telling someone Tyler Durdan isn't real. Oops :) Suck it.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64%

"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard." -Seth

The Wrestler (2008)

Insightful. Expected. Tragedy. (IET)

Final Verdict: This may be one of those times where the hype from critics actually leads to a disappointment, even undeservedly. I rented this flick because of all the critical acclaim it was getting, but in the end it just felt like another rehash of an all-too-familiar story (i.e. washed-up hero is down on his luck and looking for salvation). There's nothing new or original, everything's predictable (even the ending), and the entire story can be summed up in one or two sentences. It's a good film, but from the all the attention it was getting I was expecting a lot more. Given most of the positive reviews however, it seems I may be alone in my opinion. :)

Spoiler(s): Marisa Tomei was hot when she was younger and she's hot now. And her boobies look nice. And her butt too. And her body. And her face is pretty. And I'm sure she's smart... or at least can play someone who is smart. So suck on that, Megan Fox.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 98%
"When you live hard and you play hard and burn the candle at both ends... in this life, you can lose everything you love, everything that loves you. Alot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again, they said 'he's washed up', 'he's finished' , 'he's a loser', 'he's all through'. You know what? The only ones gonna tell me when I'm through doing my thing, is you people here. You people here... you people here. You're my family." -Randy "The Ram" Robinson Antonio

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

Beautiful. Complicated. Love. (GAY)

Final Verdict: This film is a lush, romantic, sexual fantasy. It boasts exotic locations, beautiful people, expensive dining, and upper-class society. All the characters engage in activities only the superbly rich could enjoy, and while sometimes annoying, the film doesn't doesn't try to hide it's over-the-top lavishness; it embraces it. The characters are consumed in the pursuit of love, not a superficial kind, but a transcendental love that extends beyond social normalities and expected behaviors and enters a realm of spirituality and mysticism. The multiple love triangles keep the movie intensely captivating, and right away it becomes a quest by the viewer to guess how it will all end. This is the first Woody Allen film that I've seen (I think), and I must say, it's an excellent first impression. Additionally, Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men) is an excellent lead actor, and in many cases, the star of the film. It's a great romantic tale and a highly attractive movie for women, gays, and apparently, myself.

Spoiler(s): There's a threesome. The good kind. Woo!
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 82%
"Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic." -Juan Antonio

From Russia With Love (1963)

Classic. Suspense. Intrigue (CSI)

Final Verdict: When I first watched this movie I didn't think it was anything beyond ordinary, especially by today's standards, but after watching it a second time I'm able to fully appreciate all the little details that make this film great. From the cool-but-not-over-the-top gadgets to the spy versus spy battles of wits and espinoage, everything in this film is cleverly thought out and a staple of the genre. The entire film is very sharp, especially the acting and script, and there are very few elements that come across as "cheesy" or unbelieveable (something that has plagued many of the later Bond titles). You're going to be hard-pressed to find any flaws, except for maybe a lack of action in some areas, and I suspect if you're a Bond fan this ranks among one of your favorites. I really like Daniel Craig as Bond, but this film has started pushing me towards the legendary Sean Connery as my number one.

Spoiler(s): Either James Bond or Sean Connery is a pervert and a slut. You decide.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 96%
"There's a saying in England: Where there's smoke, there's fire." -James Bond

JCVD (2008)

Gritty. Sincere. Van Damme. (GSVD)

Final Verdict: Believe it or not, this film is actually pretty good. The general plot revolves around an A-typical bank heist, nothing new or original there, but it serves as a platform to show the personal and career life of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Surprisingly, it all comes across as very sincere and believeable, not to mention humble and down-to-earth. There's even a six minute, one-take shot of a Van Damme monolouge where the actor actually breaks down the fourth-wall and speaks with the audience about himself, his lovelife, and his mistakes. Van Damme's also not afraid to poke fun at himself, which is remarkably refreshing in this day and age. The directing by rookie Mabrouk El Mechri is innovative and artistic, and the cinematography is gritty, dark, and edgy; I can't wait to see more from this team. Overall, JCVD is one of Van Damme's best films, and it will be interesting to see whether or not it actually stands the test of time (unlike the myriad of other forgettable martial arts films he's produced in the past).

Spoiler(s): Jean Claude Van Damme's real name, not his stage name, is Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg. My mind IS blown.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%
"It's not my fault if I was cut out to be a star. I asked for it. I asked for it, really believed in it. When you're 13, you believe in your dream. Well it came true for me. But I still ask myself today what I've done on this Earth. Nothing! I've done nothing!"
-Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Charming. Entertaining. Goodness. (CEG)

Final Verdict: It's not laugh-out-load funny, nor outrageous or surprising. It's not complex, isn't deep, and it lacks any real over-the-top theatrics . It's still amazing however, dare I say perfect, in it's simplistic, quirky, and honest execution. Kudos to director John Hughes for some really beautiful cinematography. This film is one of a kind, a classic, and the hallmark of modern cinema; it's more than gained my stamp of approval.

Spoiler(s): Platoon. Two and a Half Men. Navy Seals. Spin City. Are you getting this? Should I continue? Hot Shots! Men At Work. Young Guns. Please tell me you're getting this... Major League? ...Denise Richards... Anything?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 80%
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
-Ferris Bueller