Monday, December 8, 2008

Unbreakable (2000)



Slow. Epic. Payoff. (SEP)

Final Verdict: This film moves very, very slowly, but it's forgiveable in the end because it has such a good payoff. Some of the characters act a little too moody and "emo" for my tastes, because they make the film feel less realistic. In any case, it isn't something I could sit through multiple times, but it's really enjoyable the first time through. Oh, and I can't stand it when directors add a blue tint to their films; it just depressing and boring. They need to stop it.

Spoiler(s): Buce Willis' character is a ghost... wait, wrong movie?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 67%
"You'd better not be back there jacking off to the Japanese comics, I swear to God..." - Comic Book Clerk

The Golden Compass (2007)



Mysterious. Atheist. Adventure. (MAA)

Final Verdict: Let me start by saying that this is a biased review. This film glorifies secular characteristics and embodies atheistic themes, and that's right up my alley. Ironically, it was criticized by the secular community for not being anti-religious enough (unlike it's source material), and was chastized by christian groups for being too intolerant. It was doomed to fail from the start. That aside, I absolutely love it. There's some really fun ideas to play with, such as the relationship between the humans and their souls/demons, and some really intriguing mysteries to ponder, such as the mystical "dust" referenced throughout the film. I enjoy the film for it's bold and analogous story, but due to it's controversal content I can't imagine another movie being made. That's really too bad, because there aren't many movies like this one around. Watch it or don't, but I'm gonna go read the books this film is based off of... Woo!

Spoiler(s): The polar bear slugfest is one of the greatest moments in cinema history... hands-fucking-down!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 42%

"Do you wish to ride me?" - lorek Brynison

Friday, December 5, 2008

Ratatouille (2007)


Fantastic. Delightful. Captivation. (FDC)

Final Verdict: This film isn't aimed at a particular age group, culture, or social class; it reaches across all boundaries to tell a story so universal and so intrinsically familiar that viewing it almost brings up feelings of déjà vu. On the surface, it's a fun romp through the life of a restuarant chef and the joys of cooking, but at its heart its a tale about following your dreams, believing in yourself, and accepting others. Patton Oswald does a great job of bringing the main character, Remy, to life, and thus creates a great emotional connection between the audience and the film. The greatest thing about this movie? Everything.

Spoiler(s): No one dies or gets killed, but it's still enjoyable.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 96%

"Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat-patootie, which does not sound delicious." - Linguini

Justice League: A New Frontier (2008)



Interesting. Fresh. Lacking. (IFL)

Final Verdict: The level of violence and blood in this film warrents it a PG-13 rating for a reason; this is not the Justice League you grew up with. I enjoyed the film for it's theme and presentation (a reinvention of the Justice League as per the 1950's) , but was unimpressed by a story which felt incomplete; some characters were neglected while others clearly didn't recieve the justice they deserved (har!). It is an enjoyable way of re-imagining the Justice Leaue with a more mature and sophisticated plot than ever before, but there's plenty to be desired from this seventy minute film.

Spoiler(s): Batman sounds like a creepy old man, but it's much better than the awkward, constipated voice Christain Bale used for his Batman in The Dark Knight.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

"All of you remember today, there are no Democrats, no Replicans, no hawks, no doves. Just the naked simplicity of an absolute: Mankind's survival. Good luck to us all." - King Faraday

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Shanghai Noon (2000)



Similar. Average. Comedy. (SAC)

Final Verdict: This movie is just a repeat of the Rush Hour series, albeit with a different comedian (Owen Wilson) and a different setting. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad movie; Jackie Chan and Wilson both perform their parts well, but it's just not original. In fact, it's so unoriginal it's almost insulting. I did enjoy the film for its merits however, and it's a fun way to spend a couple hours. Just don't expect anything new.

Spoiler(s): [Insert Rush Hour 1, 2, or 3 spoiler]

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%

"I don't know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!" - Roy O'Bannon

Friday, November 28, 2008

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

Goofy. Youthful. Fighting. (GYF)

Final Verdict: Kung Fu Panda is geared more towards children than movies like Shrek or Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean adults can't still enjoy it. In fact, evey fight scene had me on the edge of my seat in suspense because of the level of violence involved. The plot doesn't feel completely original because it's a kids tale and we've all grown up reading/hearing similar stories, but Jack Black adds enough of his own personality to keep the movie interesting, fun, and in some cases, hilarious. This movie won't be for everyone, but I found myself thoroughly enjoyed!

Spoiler(s): To make something special you just have to believe it's special.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

"I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on." - Po

Drunken Master (1979)



Fun. Mesmerizing. Kung-Fu. (FMK)

Final Verdict: I can't say I've seen a whole lot of Jackie Chan's films, especially his older ones, but I'm certain this is him at his best. There is great chemistry between the story, which is goofy and fun, and the martial arts, which is graceful and captivating. The "drunk boxing" is incredible to see on film, and Chan pulls it off with such style and fluidity that it makes you beg for more. Maybe I just appreciate kung-fu movies in general, but I thought this was top-notch entertainment. It makes me want to learn some mixed martial arts and whoop on some punk asses.

Spoiler(s): I've killed a group of armed men with my bare hands...while still in the womb. So suck it.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 73%