Zombie Strippers (2008)

Desperate. Mindless. Shit-fest. (DMS)

Final Verdict: Zombie Strippers is like watching a softcore porn movie where all the sex scenes have been replaced by stripping montages, and all the crappy dialog has been replaced by heavy metal music and more crappy dialog. The acting was awful, the jokes were primitive, the script was boring, and the visual-style/directing was amateur at best. The only thing that could possibly feel more used and abused than me after watching this film is Jenna Jameson's diseased vag.

Spoiler(s): The climax of the movie occurs when you realize that Jenna Jameson is just a dumb, talentless freakshow.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 40%

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

Hilarious. Catchy. Spoofy. (HCS)

Final Verdict: Take note 'Epic Movie', this is how a spoof movie is supposed to be made. The script is funny, the actors are top-notch, the music is catchy, and the references are clever. You can't beat it.

Spoiler(s): There are A LOT of cameos in the movie, but the king of comdey himself, Will Farrel, does not make an appearance. Really makes you question the current direction of the movie industry...

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 75%

Beowulf (2007)

Gory. Heroic. Fun. (GHF)

Final Verdict: The film doesn't do anything radically new or different, but's it's a fun way to spend an hour and a half. The computer-animated graphics were pretty cool, but the most fun was trying to figure out which actors the characters were modeled after.

Spoiler(s): There's a lot of computer-animated nudity.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 69%

Eastern Promises (2007)

Slow. Boring. Awkward. (SBA)

Final Verdict: Five minute scene where Viggo Mortensen flashes his junk everwhere. Skip this. It's really disappointing.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

Rambo (2008)

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Violent. Mindless. Short. (VMS)

Final Verdict: Great movie if you love Rambo, killing, or both. Leaves you wanting more.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 32%

Top Gun (1986)

Eighties. American. Badass. (EAB)

Final Verdict: This movie defined a generation. If you're looking for a good time, look no further.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 42%

Mad Max (1979)

Cars. Stunts. Revenge. (CSR)

Final Verdict: I may be partial to cheesy seventies and eigthies flicks, but I thought this movie kicked ass. It had just the right mix of action, drama, suspense, and destruction. Check it out.

Spoiler(s): This movie was basically remade in 2004. I won't say what it was, but it was punishingly good.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95%