Unbreakable (2000)

Slow. Epic. Payoff. (SEP)

Final Verdict: This film moves very, very slowly, but it's forgiveable in the end because it has such a good payoff. Some of the characters act a little too moody and "emo" for my tastes, because they make the film feel less realistic. In any case, it isn't something I could sit through multiple times, but it's really enjoyable the first time through. Oh, and I can't stand it when directors add a blue tint to their films; it just depressing and boring. They need to stop it.

Spoiler(s): Buce Willis' character is a ghost... wait, wrong movie?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 67%
"You'd better not be back there jacking off to the Japanese comics, I swear to God..." - Comic Book Clerk

The Golden Compass (2007)

Mysterious. Atheist. Adventure. (MAA)

Final Verdict: Let me start by saying that this is a biased review. This film glorifies secular characteristics and embodies atheistic themes, and that's right up my alley. Ironically, it was criticized by the secular community for not being anti-religious enough (unlike it's source material), and was chastized by christian groups for being too intolerant. It was doomed to fail from the start. That aside, I absolutely love it. There's some really fun ideas to play with, such as the relationship between the humans and their souls/demons, and some really intriguing mysteries to ponder, such as the mystical "dust" referenced throughout the film. I enjoy the film for it's bold and analogous story, but due to it's controversal content I can't imagine another movie being made. That's really too bad, because there aren't many movies like this one around. Watch it or don't, but I'm gonna go read the books this film is based off of... Woo!

Spoiler(s): The polar bear slugfest is one of the greatest moments in cinema history... hands-fucking-down!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 42%

"Do you wish to ride me?" - lorek Brynison

Ratatouille (2007)

Fantastic. Delightful. Captivation. (FDC)

Final Verdict: This film isn't aimed at a particular age group, culture, or social class; it reaches across all boundaries to tell a story so universal and so intrinsically familiar that viewing it almost brings up feelings of déjà vu. On the surface, it's a fun romp through the life of a restuarant chef and the joys of cooking, but at its heart its a tale about following your dreams, believing in yourself, and accepting others. Patton Oswald does a great job of bringing the main character, Remy, to life, and thus creates a great emotional connection between the audience and the film. The greatest thing about this movie? Everything.

Spoiler(s): No one dies or gets killed, but it's still enjoyable.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 96%

"Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat-patootie, which does not sound delicious." - Linguini

Justice League: A New Frontier (2008)

Interesting. Fresh. Lacking. (IFL)

Final Verdict: The level of violence and blood in this film warrents it a PG-13 rating for a reason; this is not the Justice League you grew up with. I enjoyed the film for it's theme and presentation (a reinvention of the Justice League as per the 1950's) , but was unimpressed by a story which felt incomplete; some characters were neglected while others clearly didn't recieve the justice they deserved (har!). It is an enjoyable way of re-imagining the Justice Leaue with a more mature and sophisticated plot than ever before, but there's plenty to be desired from this seventy minute film.

Spoiler(s): Batman sounds like a creepy old man, but it's much better than the awkward, constipated voice Christain Bale used for his Batman in The Dark Knight.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

"All of you remember today, there are no Democrats, no Replicans, no hawks, no doves. Just the naked simplicity of an absolute: Mankind's survival. Good luck to us all." - King Faraday

Shanghai Noon (2000)

Similar. Average. Comedy. (SAC)

Final Verdict: This movie is just a repeat of the Rush Hour series, albeit with a different comedian (Owen Wilson) and a different setting. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad movie; Jackie Chan and Wilson both perform their parts well, but it's just not original. In fact, it's so unoriginal it's almost insulting. I did enjoy the film for its merits however, and it's a fun way to spend a couple hours. Just don't expect anything new.

Spoiler(s): [Insert Rush Hour 1, 2, or 3 spoiler]

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78%

"I don't know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!" - Roy O'Bannon

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

Goofy. Youthful. Fighting. (GYF)

Final Verdict: Kung Fu Panda is geared more towards children than movies like Shrek or Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean adults can't still enjoy it. In fact, evey fight scene had me on the edge of my seat in suspense because of the level of violence involved. The plot doesn't feel completely original because it's a kids tale and we've all grown up reading/hearing similar stories, but Jack Black adds enough of his own personality to keep the movie interesting, fun, and in some cases, hilarious. This movie won't be for everyone, but I found myself thoroughly enjoyed!

Spoiler(s): To make something special you just have to believe it's special.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

"I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on." - Po

Drunken Master (1979)

Fun. Mesmerizing. Kung-Fu. (FMK)

Final Verdict: I can't say I've seen a whole lot of Jackie Chan's films, especially his older ones, but I'm certain this is him at his best. There is great chemistry between the story, which is goofy and fun, and the martial arts, which is graceful and captivating. The "drunk boxing" is incredible to see on film, and Chan pulls it off with such style and fluidity that it makes you beg for more. Maybe I just appreciate kung-fu movies in general, but I thought this was top-notch entertainment. It makes me want to learn some mixed martial arts and whoop on some punk asses.

Spoiler(s): I've killed a group of armed men with my bare hands...while still in the womb. So suck it.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 73%

Apocalypto (2006)

Worldy. Captivating. Brutality. (WCB)

Final Verdict: I avoided seeing this movie for a while because I was so appalled by Mel Gibson's last film, the crucifixion flick, Passion of the Christ. And while this movie uses the same degree of violence as it's predecessor, it is far more bearable (and enjoyable) because it comes in quick, jolting spurts rather than long, drawn-out torture scenes. The first half of the film is a very interesting and immersive look into the decay of the Mayan civilization, while the second half, surprisingly, plays out more like a Rambo adventure. Both the first and the second half compliment each other very well, and it is only the ending which I don't find completely satisfying. Mel Gibson does a great job directing and an extraordianry job representing the ancient civilization for all it's faults and glories. This one is not to be missed!

Spoiler(s): No hablo Mayan.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 65%

"I am Jaguar Paw. This is my forest. And I am not afraid. " - Jaguar Paw

The Hammer (2008)

Funny. Simple. Heartwarming. (FSH)

Final Verdict: This film is basically an autobiography of Adam Carolla had he not found his way into The Man Show and Hollywood. The brillance of the film comes from it's very simple, good-natured humor. It isn't a big budget Hollywood film, and it doesn't feel like one; nor feel like it's trying not to be one. Theres's a constant struggle between the comedic moments and the dramatic ones, but it's executed so naturally it almost feels more like a documentary rather than a work of fiction. Adam Carolla shines in this film for both his performance and his script, and I hope to see more of him in the future. Please see this one! It's one of my favorites of the year!

Spoilers: Adam Carolla was a carpentor and a boxer in his youth. Jerry Ferro, the lead character played by Adam Carolla, was also a carpentor and a boxer in his youth. If you don't see the analogies I'm clearly drawing our for you, then you're an idiot and a fuckhead. Thank you.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 71%

"You guys sure seem to love Nicaragua except for the part where you risked your lives not to live there any more" - Jerry Ferro

Drillbit Taylor (2008)

Slow. Average. Copy. (SAC)

Final Verdict: Take Superbad, remove the R rating and replace each comedian an with uncharismatic, overacting kid, mix in You, Me and Dupree, and throw in a formulaic plot about high school bullies and social outcasts and you've got Drillbit Taylor. There are some genuinely funny moments involving Owen Wilson, but they are few and far between and aren't worth more than a chuckle. Furthermore, the teenage actors (Nate Hartley, Troy Gentile, David Dorfman) are stereotypical and boring, and I hope to never see them in a film again. This movie isn't an autrocity by anyone's standards, but there are much better comedies out there.

Spoiler(s): N/A (it's hard to spoil a movie that's been done a million times before)

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 26%

"Crap on a shit sandwich!" - Drillbit Taylor

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)

Weird. Artistic. Uninteresting. (WAU)

Final Verdict: If anything , the artistic direction in this film is absolutely amazing. The characters look unique, creepy, and out-of-this-world, while the environments and scenes are so breathtaking they practically steal the show. Unfortunately, everything else falls desperately short. The plot is drek and non-sensible, while the characters are so uninteresting and lack so much chemistry between each other that it becomes tiresome and frustrating to even care what happens to them. If you need to waste some time, there are better movies for that. Don't even bother with this one.

Spoilers: Hellboy is gonna be a father-- does ANYONE care?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 88%

"I can turn my back on the whole world... as long as you stay with me." -Hellboy

Role Models (2008)

Hilarious. Light-hearted. Vulgarity. (HLV)

Final Verdict The film takes a somewhat formulaic plot and makes it incredible by adding extremely likeable characters, great acting, vulgar children, and an R-rating. The lead male actors, Seann William Scott and Paul Rudd, are spectacular, but some of the funniest moments lend themselves to Jane Lynch (Best in Show, The 40-Year-Old Virgin), the recovering-cocaine-addict-turned-children's-volunteer. This is a must see by anyone's standards.

Spoilers: Whispering eye.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating:75%

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Unemotional. Action. Holes. (UAH)

Final Verdict: For some reason, other than in the comics, nobody can seem to nail down the Hulk's alter ego, Bruce Banner, correctly; not Bill Bixby in the original Hulk series, nor Eric Bana or Edward Norton from the more recent Hulk films. They're always missing one key element: a cowardly, passive-aggressive, tortured persona. There's just too much "confidence" in all of these interpretations to make the character interesting or believeable. In any case, the action is enough to make the film enjoyable and some of the computer-generated animations are amazing. It's much better than the Hulk movie from a few years back, but nothing as extrodinary as Iron Man or The Dark Knight.

Spoilers: There is no resolution for the villian of the film... kinda strange and a bit of a letdown.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 67%

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Cool. Rebelious. Symbolic. (CRS)

Final Verdict: This is a classic film about raging against the machine and finding salvation. It's amazing and one of my favorites. Go see it!

Spoilers: Into the abyss // You don't exist // Cannot resist // The Judas kiss

Rotten Tomatoes Rating:100%

Robocop (1987)

Graphic. Over-the-top. Action. (GOA)

Final Verdict: It takes a while to suspend disbelief and enjoy this film. The blood and violence is so over the top it's laughable, and the Robocop outfit looks like a crappy Halloween costume. Fortunately, by the end of the film you'll be on edge of your seat in suspense and completely drawn in. Great, fun film!

Spoiler(s): Before Robocop becomes Robocop, he is shot two dozen times in the torso and once in the head... C'mon Hollywood, at least pretend you don't think your audience is a group idiots. That's all we ask.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%

Jesus Camp (2006)

Enlightening. Frightening. Real. (EFR)

Final Verdict: This documentary is solid proof that idiots are everywhere and they're powerful in numbers. It's a shocking, sad, bitter look into the world of evangelical christians and the "righteous", "sin-free" America they're trying to create. A must see.

Spoiler(s): Kids can be fooled, manipulated, and brainwashed easily. Just try it.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 88%

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Paranoid. Suspenseful. Damning. (PSD)

Final Verdict: I saw this movie as a kid and I remember being scared to death of it (not really though, I fear nothing). But as an adult, it's not so much scary as it is intriguing. Good acting mixed with a good plot equals a good movie. Check it out.

Spoiler(s): Leonard Nimoy (Spock from Star Trek) is in the movie, and a badass at that. Woo!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 97%

Deliverance (1972)

Classic. Eerie. Innovative. (CEI)

Final Verdict: The score to this movie is awesome and the title song, "Dueling Banjos", is incredible. The core of the movie is pretty good, and ultimately results in a very satisfactory and enjoyable experience. If anything, I would say this is a must-see, but not necessarily a must-own.

Spoiler(s): This may or may not be the prequel to Brokeback Mountain... not really sure, but there are definately similarities.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

Ocean's Eleven (1960)

Slow. Simple. Celebrity. (SSC)

Final Verdict: The foundation of this movie lies solely on the star quality of legends like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and the Rat Pack to drive each scene. Lots of dialog and a simple script would make this movie just ordinary, but thanks to the A-list celebrities it has become an iconic piece of movie history. It's no where near as stylish, complex, or surprising as the 2001 remake starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt, but it does have a charm of its own. If you can only watch one though, watch the remake.

Spoilers: Despite the fact that I came into this movie expecting some sort of big twist near the end, I never in a million years would have guessed the ending. Never.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 50%

The Professional (1994)

Stylized. Violent. Strong. (SVS)

Final Verdict: There's three key ingredients that make this movie work so well: (1) the story is compelling and the characters moving, (2) the score is astounding and perfectly fitting for each scene, and (3) the directing style keeps the movie interesting and action exciting. Additionally, Jean Reno and Natalie Portman give stellar performances as the lead male and female characters and create a chemistry not seen before in movie cinema. My only complaint: it needs more action.

Spoilers: Natalie Portman is twelve years old in this movie and clearly at the height of her hotness.

What? What's wrong with saying that?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 73%

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (2008)

Grand. Perfect. Masterpiece. (GPM)

Final Verdict: Go rent any movie. Go play any video game. Go read any book or listen to any record. And then know this: it isn't one percent of one percent of one percent of the greatness of this game. The script is so deep, the characters are so extraordinary, the gameply is so exhilerating and the action so intense that everything else will seem simple, boring, and childish in comparison. So if you've been playing this series from the beginning, been through the ups and downs and everything in between, been a fan for over ten years and probably for far more, then this is your just reward. Everything finally comes to a close in the most epic, most shocking, and most beautiful way. Enjoy, because this is the end of a great franchise and the birth of a whole new genre of entertainment-- the "perfectainment".

And Hollywood, for all your glory, I can't imagine you'll come close to producing something on this level, so don't even try. It'll just be embarrassing.

Spoiler(s): Space Oddity.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: Motherf---ing awesome.

Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders (2007)

Ignorant. Ill-concieved. Awareness. (IIA)

Final Verdict: If you want to watch a documentary about corporate america taking advantage of people who can't take responsibility for themselves, then this is the movie for you. It's another film about "victims" who want sympathy for their ignorance and a free ride for their mistakes-- how lame. But on the plus side, it does make you more aware of your own personal finances and about budgeting your money.

Spoiler(s): A credit card isn't free money, FYI.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 88%

Hellraiser (1987)

Cool. Violent. Creepy. (CVC)

Final Verdict: The story is a little hokey and the actors are all hacks, but there are some really awesome scenes and some cool animation. Plus, the central villians of the film, the Cenobites, are the most badass collection of horror freaks around. The movie isn't as gruesome or graphic as some of the more recent horror films, like Saw or Hostel, but it's still really f---ing creepy and god damn scary. Check it out.
Spoiler(s): There's a dude in the movie that uses peoples' skin as a body suit...

...just like me...

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 61%

Groundhog Day (1993)

Whimsical. Light-hearted. Feel-good. (WLF)

Final Verdict: For those of you that judge Bill Murray's talent based solely upon the crap he's putting out today, go back and watch this movie and see why he was a comic legend in his day. This film is both the culmination and peek of Murray's career, and an excellent movie in any right. It's funny and intereseting, and has a great message about the important things in life. Buy it now!

Spoiler(s): If you go to the link below, and then make a purchase of this movie-- I get ten cents! Do it.

Buy "Groundhog Day" on DVD!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95%

The King Of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007)

Gripping. Inspiring (kind of). Nerdy. (GIN)

Final Verdict: You may think that a documentary about two rival arcade players competing for the highest score in a Donkey Kong game my sound laughable at best, not to mention lame or boring, but you couldn't be more wrong. After about thirty minutes into the film you'll be so involved with all the characters and so emotionally attached to the outcome that you won't be able turn away. I give this one a full recommendation!

Spoiler(s): Watching this film will gaurentee that you won't get any action for at least a month (or at most your entire life).

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 97%

Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Dramatic. Powerful. (DP)

Final Verdict: Great, great movie. Ben Afflick does an amazing job directing, while his brother, Casey Afflick, does even better job acting and bringing the story to life. The plot immediately immerses you in the characters and their conflicts, and the best part, the ending, is so powerful and thought-provoking that it'll leave you speechless for days. One of the best dramatic films around.

Spoiler(s): The movie ends with Godzilla battling an army of undead, cyborg aliens.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

Casino Royale (2006)

Poker. Spies. Dames. (PSD)

Final Verdict: I'm only familiar with the James Bond flicks starring Pierce Bronsnan, but I officially declare this as my favorite Bond movie and Daniel Craig as my favorite Bond actor. This movie revitalizes a series thats been going down the drain for quite a while.

Spoiler(s): Milk, eggs, and most dairy products.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

Forbidden Planet (1956)

Intriguing. Science. Psychology. (ISP)

Final Verdict: At first the movie seems content with being simple and entertaining, but as the plot progresses it reveals larger themes (such as Freudian philosophy) and deeper meaning. The special effects are absolutely amazing for it's time, and all the actors and actresses make excellent preformances. Greastest of all, the lead male actor in the film is Leslie Nelson... in his prime!

Spoiler(s): I don't know which is better: the walking, talking robot named "Robbie" or the young Leslie Nelson with a full head of brown hair. I'm stumped.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

High-Octane. Sci-fi. Throwback. (HST)

Final Verdict: The newest iteration to the Indiana Jones franchise stays very true to the original series, but it's also not afraid to take a few bold new steps. Some of the cheesier scenes almost ruin the entire affair, but they're forgiveable in leui of some very engaging action sequences. It's a fifty-fifty whether you'll love or hate the new sci-fi direction, but I think it's irrelevant in relation to the great characters, thrilling action sequences, and nostalgic storyline. Plus, Shia LaBeouf is a great addition to the series and he should play every character of every movie till he's dead. With everything taken into consideration however, it's probably the weakest film in the franchise.

Spoiler(s): The chick from the first film (actress Karen Allen) makes a dramatic return-- woo!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 77%

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

Long. Aimless. Boring. (LAB)

Final Verdict: The length of this movie could be cut in half, and it'd still be too long. Every scene contains a dozen dramatic pauses, and each seems to drag on forever. The acting is great and the ending is cool, but everything else falls short. Don't waste your time.

Spoiler(s): Jesse James is assassinated by the coward Robert Ford.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 75%

Indian Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Great. American. Adventure. (GAA)

Final Verdict: The classic Indy formula of action and adventure remains the same, but the film is kept fresh thanks to the addition of a new father/son dynamic. Harrison Ford and Sean Connery play off each other remarkably well, and the result is another amazing movie from the collabrorative minds of Spielberg and Lucas.


Spoiler(s): Indiana is a dog.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

Suspenceful. Outstanding. Fun. (SOF)


Final Verdict: This is my favorite Indy film, and one of my favorite films of all time. A must-see for anyone not blind.


Spoiler(s): This is a prequel (not a sequel) to Raiders of the Lost Ark.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 86%

100 Girls (2000)

Goofy. Charming. Sexism. (GCS)


Final Verdict: It's a preachy chick flick camoflauged in T&A, it's douchebaggy, and the main characater practically neuters his manhood at the end of the film-- but it's still good. It's a simple analysis of men and women from a guys perspectives, but the key to it's success is it's blatant charm and relatebility. There's a possibility that you may get annoyed by it, but I think you should at least check it out.


Spoiler(s): F--- you, I'm not spoiling the movie.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60%

The Brave One (2007)

Dull. Formulaic. Unorginal. (PFU)


Final Verdict: I struggled to stay awake in this lackluster thriller. Simply put: it's been done before and it's been done better.


Spoiler(s): Jodie Foster is gay.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 43%

Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

Fun. Odd. Catchy. (FOC)


Final Verdict: As far as musicals go, Little Shop of Horrors is among the top dogs. It's very similar to Sweeney Todd, except it's more light-hearted and less gothic. Overall, three thumbs up (har-har-har!).


Spoiler(s): Bill Murray makes a cameo appearance, and it's one of the funniest scenes in movie history.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

The Godfather (1972)

Powerful. Incredible. Classic. (PIC)

Final Verdict: No review necessary-- whether you've seen it or not, you should instinctively know how f---ing awesome it is.

Spoiler(s): I should ruin the whole movie for you based on the simple fact that you haven't seen it yet and it's one of the biggest films of all time, but it's so good that spoiling it would be a grave injustice to you, me, and the entire human race.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 100%

Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

Historic. Intelligent. Relevant. (HIR)


Final Verdict: If you're at all interested in history, politics, or current affairs, there's A LOT you'll like about this film and A LOT to be taken from it. And despite the sometimes Gilmore-Girls-esque banter, Tom Hanks and Philip Seymour Hoffman deliver stellar performances.


Spoiler(s): We are the masters of our own destruction.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83%

Ben-Hur (1959)

Epic. Biblical. Heston. (EBH)

Final Verdict: Ben-Hur is a Christian movied based on Judeo-Christian beliefs and philosophies, but I'll be damned if I find one person, non-christian or otherwise, who does not love this film. Outside of the oscar-winning acting and directing, there's something more that can be taken from this movie that is both personal and inspiring. So despite your own religious beliefs (or lack thereof), you should go see this film. And if you don't-- kill yourself.

Spoiler(s): Jesus makes several appearences... kind of.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 91%

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Hilarious. Bare. Sex. (HBS)

Final Verdict: This is another movie from producer Judd Apatow (40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad), and once again, he's brought us a smash hit. It's a romantic comedy dressed up in sex jokes and nudity, and it's charm is that it can be enjoyed equally by both men and women. The main actor and writer, Jason Segel, is one of the funniest guys around and the supporting cast (all of them) are just as amazing. Find a date and check this one out-- immediately!


Spoiler(s): Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are not in this movie.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 84%

Stripes (1981)

Old-School. American. Patriotic. (OAP)

Final Verdict: The humor in this movie comes from a different era and therefore may not connect with most viewers of today, but it's still great to see Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and John Candy performing in their prime. Overall, it's enjoyable and thoroughly entertaining.


Spoiler(s): God bless America, there's lots and lots of topless chicks.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 91%

Into The Wild (2007)

Introspective. Natural. Relateable. (INR)
Final Verdict: There's a lot of meaning and philospohy in this film, and the underlying messages are very applicable. It's a good movie, and Emile Hirsch (the main character) is a great actor.
Spoiler(s): It's based on a true story (not really a spoiler, just thought you should know).

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83%

Enter the Dragon (1973)

Kung Fu Kick-Ass-ery. (KFK)

Final Verdict: If God were a martial artist, he would take the form of Bruce Lee-- and even then, he'd be a poor imitation. Watching Lee in motion, whether its his acting or his fighting, is an indecribable experience that shouldn't be missied by anyone. If you haven't seen one of his films yet, this is a good place to start. There's lots of cool action, great imagery, and classic movie moments.

Spoiler(s): The main villian has a goofy claw hand. Kind of ridiculous, but kind of awesome at the same time.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 97%

Iron Man (2008)

Fucking Awesome. (FA)
Final Verdict: Better than Spiderman, better than Superman, and better than X-men. Better than Batman, Batman Returns, and Batman Begins. It is, hands down, the best superhero movie ever. Now shut up and go see it.

Spoiler(s): I am Iron Man.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995)

Divergent. Explosive. Action. (DEA)

Final Verdict: Of the four Die Hard movies, this one is probably my least favorite. It's missing the "one-man-against-all-odds" feel of the first two movies. Plus, it switches gears from an emphasis of violence and killing to one of action and explosions. Not as cool nor as graphic.

Spoiler(s): Sam Jackson's charater in this movie could very well be the same character he played in Pulp Fiction. Not a bad thing-- just kinda funny. And he's a f---ing badass.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 45%

Zombie Strippers (2008)

Desperate. Mindless. Shit-fest. (DMS)

Final Verdict: Zombie Strippers is like watching a softcore porn movie where all the sex scenes have been replaced by stripping montages, and all the crappy dialog has been replaced by heavy metal music and more crappy dialog. The acting was awful, the jokes were primitive, the script was boring, and the visual-style/directing was amateur at best. The only thing that could possibly feel more used and abused than me after watching this film is Jenna Jameson's diseased vag.

Spoiler(s): The climax of the movie occurs when you realize that Jenna Jameson is just a dumb, talentless freakshow.


Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 40%

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

Hilarious. Catchy. Spoofy. (HCS)

Final Verdict: Take note 'Epic Movie', this is how a spoof movie is supposed to be made. The script is funny, the actors are top-notch, the music is catchy, and the references are clever. You can't beat it.

Spoiler(s): There are A LOT of cameos in the movie, but the king of comdey himself, Will Farrel, does not make an appearance. Really makes you question the current direction of the movie industry...

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 75%

Beowulf (2007)

Gory. Heroic. Fun. (GHF)

Final Verdict: The film doesn't do anything radically new or different, but's it's a fun way to spend an hour and a half. The computer-animated graphics were pretty cool, but the most fun was trying to figure out which actors the characters were modeled after.

Spoiler(s): There's a lot of computer-animated nudity.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 69%

Eastern Promises (2007)

Slow. Boring. Awkward. (SBA)

Final Verdict: Five minute scene where Viggo Mortensen flashes his junk everwhere. Skip this. It's really disappointing.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 89%

Rambo (2008)

.

Violent. Mindless. Short. (VMS)

Final Verdict: Great movie if you love Rambo, killing, or both. Leaves you wanting more.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 32%