Extract (2009)

Unexpected. Heartfelt. Laughter. (UHL)

Final Verdict: This comedy seems to come from a different era; it isn't sexually-charged like Forgetting Sara Marshall nor overtly vulgar like Pineapple Express or Step Brothers. It fits in more with films like Office Space and There's Something About Mary as good, clean, American fun. Each character is extremely likeable, believeable, and downright hilarious. Jason Bateman and Kristen Wiig are great as the loveable-but-dsyfunctional couple, but the real star of the show is newcomer Dustin Milligan as the hopeless romantic, brain-dead male prostitute. It may not be the biggest hit of the year, but it's definately very enjoyable and remarkably funny.

Spoiler(s): Mila Kunis is more of a plot device than a central character. This surprised the heck out of me. If I was the writer I would have written a script revolving around a topless Kunis and her trampoline... with some angry, possibly lesbian, space robots thrown in there for good measure.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 63%

"There he goes... Johnny Horsecock."-Dean

The Nanny Diaries (2007)

Typical. Girlish. Tune-out. (TGT)

Final Verdict: It's not a romantic comedy, but it's definately a chick flick. It's about discovering yourself, the responsibilities of motherhood, falling in love, and other (boring) life lessons. It's generally pretty plain, but has a few chuckles here and there you keep you interested. Scarlett Johansson, while not a bad actress, is nothing extraordinary, and she basically carries the film by her looks. Your girlfriend may find the story cute and amusing, but if you bleed testosterone like I do you'll probably find yourself daydreaming about tanks and ninjas instead of actually paying attention.

Spoiler(s): A college graduate goes to work as a nanny for a rich New York family. Ensconced in their home, she has to juggle their dysfunction, a new romance, and the spoiled brat in her charge. There-- I just saved you ninety minutes.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33%
"There's a common belief among anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own."
-Annie Braddock

The Black Freighter (2009)

Horrific. Expansive. Fanfare. (HEF)

Final Verdict: For those that have not read the original Watchmen graphic novel, this 30-minute animated feature about a vengeful pirate won't seem at all relevant to the larger story. Why is that? It's because it was originally written into the novel as an analogy to the events surrounding the main characters, creating powerful, often poetic, imagery to express the unspoken language. By itself, it's still fun and engaging, but without being in the context of the larger story it loses some of it's strength. Also included in the DVD is Under the Hood, a 45-minute fake documentary about the "Minute Men", the novel's superhero team from the 40's and 50's. It's very well produced, includes many missing elements from the film, and stays true to the source material. It sheds some light on the minor characters, and supplies a better understanding of the immensely complex backstory. For fans of the Watchmen, you can't go wrong with this DVD, but I suspect it will be best represented when it's spliced into the actual movie, as it was in the novel. Trouble is, when do you feel like sitting down to watch a four-hour-plus movie?

Spoiler(s): Gerald Butler is the voice of the sea captain. He's also the star of 300 and a slew romantic comedies. I'm as confused as you are.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

9 (2009)

Artistic. Visual. After-thought. (AVA)

Final Verdict: If anything can be said for certain, it's that 9 lacks a target audience; it's too bizarre and scary for children but not mature enough for adults. The best case for it's survival is not going to be from box office sales, but from some sort of undergound cult following similar to Tim Burton's Nightmware Before Christmas or Nickelodeon's Invader Zim. The character designs, referred to as a type of "stitch-punk" by director Shane Acker, are creative, fun, and fascinating to see come alive. The scenery and environments are of the same caliber, making a post-war setting new again by viewing it from the eyes of six-inch, newly-born creatures. Unfortunately, the story and dialogue almost seem like an afterthought to these imaginitive ideas, and as such, it doesn't quite have the same charm as a movie like WALL-e. The storytelling is simple and sometimes boring, and in the end it doesn't even make complete sense. The film was originally spawned from an 11-minute short, and that's exactly what it feels like: a big budget movie with a great concept but a lot of filler. I like it for it's creativity, I'm even considering buying it when it comes out, but it definately has some major flaws.

Spoiler(s): It's surprisingly metaphysical near the end. Odd move, but it isn't terrible.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 57%

"We had such potential, such promise." -Scientist

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Exciting. Violent. Misdirection. (EVM)

Final Verdict: This film may be shocking for it's over-the-top vulgarity, it's naked, objectified women, and it's unapologetic glamorization of violence, but nothing is more surprising and outrageous than the explosive plot shift near the end. George Clooney (or Cloondog, for those in the know) is a quintessential badass in this film, and Quentin Taratino is perfect as the sadistic, psycho brother. Some of the action is a little corny at times, but it's usually so over-the-top that it's actually pretty cool. This movie is a classic and one of the best in it's genre. If you haven't seen this yet, PLEASE go see it! It's one-of-a-kind!

Spoiler(s): I can't spoil this one. It's too good. It's like spoiling the end of Fight Club by telling someone Tyler Durdan isn't real. Oops :) Suck it.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64%

"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard." -Seth

The Wrestler (2008)

Insightful. Expected. Tragedy. (IET)

Final Verdict: This may be one of those times where the hype from critics actually leads to a disappointment, even undeservedly. I rented this flick because of all the critical acclaim it was getting, but in the end it just felt like another rehash of an all-too-familiar story (i.e. washed-up hero is down on his luck and looking for salvation). There's nothing new or original, everything's predictable (even the ending), and the entire story can be summed up in one or two sentences. It's a good film, but from the all the attention it was getting I was expecting a lot more. Given most of the positive reviews however, it seems I may be alone in my opinion. :)

Spoiler(s): Marisa Tomei was hot when she was younger and she's hot now. And her boobies look nice. And her butt too. And her body. And her face is pretty. And I'm sure she's smart... or at least can play someone who is smart. So suck on that, Megan Fox.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 98%
"When you live hard and you play hard and burn the candle at both ends... in this life, you can lose everything you love, everything that loves you. Alot of people told me that I'd never wrestle again, they said 'he's washed up', 'he's finished' , 'he's a loser', 'he's all through'. You know what? The only ones gonna tell me when I'm through doing my thing, is you people here. You people here... you people here. You're my family." -Randy "The Ram" Robinson Antonio

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

Beautiful. Complicated. Love. (GAY)

Final Verdict: This film is a lush, romantic, sexual fantasy. It boasts exotic locations, beautiful people, expensive dining, and upper-class society. All the characters engage in activities only the superbly rich could enjoy, and while sometimes annoying, the film doesn't doesn't try to hide it's over-the-top lavishness; it embraces it. The characters are consumed in the pursuit of love, not a superficial kind, but a transcendental love that extends beyond social normalities and expected behaviors and enters a realm of spirituality and mysticism. The multiple love triangles keep the movie intensely captivating, and right away it becomes a quest by the viewer to guess how it will all end. This is the first Woody Allen film that I've seen (I think), and I must say, it's an excellent first impression. Additionally, Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men) is an excellent lead actor, and in many cases, the star of the film. It's a great romantic tale and a highly attractive movie for women, gays, and apparently, myself.

Spoiler(s): There's a threesome. The good kind. Woo!
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 82%
"Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic." -Juan Antonio

From Russia With Love (1963)

Classic. Suspense. Intrigue (CSI)

Final Verdict: When I first watched this movie I didn't think it was anything beyond ordinary, especially by today's standards, but after watching it a second time I'm able to fully appreciate all the little details that make this film great. From the cool-but-not-over-the-top gadgets to the spy versus spy battles of wits and espinoage, everything in this film is cleverly thought out and a staple of the genre. The entire film is very sharp, especially the acting and script, and there are very few elements that come across as "cheesy" or unbelieveable (something that has plagued many of the later Bond titles). You're going to be hard-pressed to find any flaws, except for maybe a lack of action in some areas, and I suspect if you're a Bond fan this ranks among one of your favorites. I really like Daniel Craig as Bond, but this film has started pushing me towards the legendary Sean Connery as my number one.

Spoiler(s): Either James Bond or Sean Connery is a pervert and a slut. You decide.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 96%
"There's a saying in England: Where there's smoke, there's fire." -James Bond

JCVD (2008)

Gritty. Sincere. Van Damme. (GSVD)

Final Verdict: Believe it or not, this film is actually pretty good. The general plot revolves around an A-typical bank heist, nothing new or original there, but it serves as a platform to show the personal and career life of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Surprisingly, it all comes across as very sincere and believeable, not to mention humble and down-to-earth. There's even a six minute, one-take shot of a Van Damme monolouge where the actor actually breaks down the fourth-wall and speaks with the audience about himself, his lovelife, and his mistakes. Van Damme's also not afraid to poke fun at himself, which is remarkably refreshing in this day and age. The directing by rookie Mabrouk El Mechri is innovative and artistic, and the cinematography is gritty, dark, and edgy; I can't wait to see more from this team. Overall, JCVD is one of Van Damme's best films, and it will be interesting to see whether or not it actually stands the test of time (unlike the myriad of other forgettable martial arts films he's produced in the past).

Spoiler(s): Jean Claude Van Damme's real name, not his stage name, is Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg. My mind IS blown.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 85%
"It's not my fault if I was cut out to be a star. I asked for it. I asked for it, really believed in it. When you're 13, you believe in your dream. Well it came true for me. But I still ask myself today what I've done on this Earth. Nothing! I've done nothing!"
-Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Charming. Entertaining. Goodness. (CEG)

Final Verdict: It's not laugh-out-load funny, nor outrageous or surprising. It's not complex, isn't deep, and it lacks any real over-the-top theatrics . It's still amazing however, dare I say perfect, in it's simplistic, quirky, and honest execution. Kudos to director John Hughes for some really beautiful cinematography. This film is one of a kind, a classic, and the hallmark of modern cinema; it's more than gained my stamp of approval.

Spoiler(s): Platoon. Two and a Half Men. Navy Seals. Spin City. Are you getting this? Should I continue? Hot Shots! Men At Work. Young Guns. Please tell me you're getting this... Major League? ...Denise Richards... Anything?

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 80%
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
-Ferris Bueller

Spartacus (1960)

Impressive. Epic. Narrative. (IEN)

Final Verdict: Spartacus is an epic film filled with grand ideas, large production values, and an immensely talented cast. The script is sharp, the acting is spot-on, and the scenery, sets, and locations are all gorgeous. It may not be superbly complex, but it's a great introduction into Roman politics and Roman society.The director, Stanley Kubrick, is the only one who stumbles, incorporating too many over-extended scenes and a lot of uneven storytelling. Fortunately, the pros far outweigh the cons, and the film is generally pretty enjoyable. I liked it, so it must be good.

Spoiler(s): I'm Spartacus!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 95%
"One of the disadvantages of being a Patrician is that occasionally you are obliged to act like one."
-Marcus Licinius Crassus

The Doors (1991)

Fascinating. Emotionless. Poetry.(FEP)

Final Verdict: I originally watched this film at the height of my Doors obsession and absolutely loved it. The music is well-incorporated, the portrayels are dead on, and all the hidden Doors references are great for die-hard fans. Now that a couple years have passed, and I'm able to take a few steps back, I do notice some flaws. Mainly, for non-Doors enthusiasts, some of the dialogue is awkward, because the characters speak in quotes and songs lyrics rather than normal english. While fun to hear, it feels odd, unrealistic, and out of place at times. As for Val Kilmer's epic performance? He looks, acts, and behaves just like Jim Morrison, but he's also a lot more detached and impersonal than I imagine he should be. The performance is more like a really, really, REALLY good characiature. Kilmer's Morrison is god-like on film, but it's still missing that human, sympathetic element that's essential to fully appreciate the legend. It's probably the best Doors film we'll ever see, but it's still got some nagging flaws which will turn some people off.

Spoiler(s): Jim Morrison dies at the end. If you didn't know that, we can't be friends; we are two totally different people.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 56%
"I was stoned. It seemed like a fun thing to do at the time."
-Jim Morrison

Hang 'Em High (1968)

Idealic. Dramatic. Misleading. (IDM)

Final Verdict: An ex-marshall (Clint Eastwood) is wrong-fully accused by eight of his peers and unlawfully lynched. He miracuously survives however, to avenge the atrocities committed against him and bring justice to his persecutors. Or so you would think. It's advertised as a revenge film, but it's anything but that. In fact, most of the film is centered on themes of truth, justice, redemption, and forgiveness. It's an interesting take on a western movie, one I did not expect, but at times it felt anti-climatic and tangential. Fortunately, there is some great dialogue and some powerful exchanges between Eastwood's character and Judge Adam Fenton (Pat Hingle) that more than make up for the lack of action. Not a bad western by any means, but there's much better out there.

Spoiler(s): In olden times, peoples' veins were filled with ketchup. Thick, hearty, Heinz Ketchup.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 92%
"You think I judged him too harshly? Used him for kindling my fire of justice? Well, maybe that's inevitable when there's only one man, one court, with the power of final justice over a territory that's five times the size of most states. Mistakes? Oh, I've made 'em, Cooper. Don't you doubt about that. Don't you doubt, either, there are times sitting up there in that judgement seat I wished, I prayed, that there was someone standing between me and God Almighty - someone with the power to say, 'You're wrong, Fenton. You've made an error in law - that this man deserves another trial, this man here a reprieve, this man is innocent.' But until this territory becomes a state with a governor and a state court of appeals, I am the law here - all the law. If you don't like that, you can cuss me till hell freezes over... or you can join me, Cooper; even fight me. Help me turn this God forsaken territory into a state where no one man calls himself the law." -Judge Adam Fenton

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Gritty. Stylized. Bourne. (GSB)

Final Verdict: While it's lacking the substance and complexities of it's predecessor, Quantum of Solace still succeeds as a gritty, violent, action-packed follow-up to the "original". Daniel Craig brings home another excellent performance as Bond and solidifies himself as one of the best interpretations of the hero to date (second maybe only to Connery). Unfortunately, this film also feels more like "James Bond meets the Bourne Identity" than a strictly Bond adventure, but it's forgiveable in the end because it generally works. Overall, it's good, but it's not Casino-Royale good.


Spoiler(s): The only nipples you get to see in the film are of James Bond with his shirt off... but I'm not complaining :)

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64%
"I don't think the dead care about vengeance." -James Bond

District 9 (2009)

Intelligent. Explosive. Sociology. (IES)

Final Verdict: Science fiction has suffered from disappointing sequels and rehashed crap for a long time now, but District 9 breaks that mold, combining original, intelligent ideas with amazing special effects and an engaging story. The social analogies in the film are blatant yet effective, while the human behavioral psychology is subtle and fascinating. The film is smart, provocative, and captivating. The characters, both human and alien, feel alarmingly real, and it's easy to find yourself loving and/or despising the people on screen. Not since Alien or The Thing have we seen a sci-fi film this entertaining or original, so much so, that it even surpasses many pillars of the genre, capturing perfecly the spirit and innovation science fiction was built upon. In so few words, its fantastic and a must-see.

Spoiler(s): If my review above doesn't compell you to go see the film, then "excessive fornication with extraterrestrials" will.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 88%
"Get your fokkin' tentacle out of my face!" -Wikus Van De Merwe

Tombstone (1993)

Historical. Gunslinging. Badass-ery. (HGB)

Final Verdict:

Spoiler(s): Great actors play great characters in a great historical film.What more can you ask for? Guns maybe? Check. Beautiful women? Check. Val Kilmer as the terminally-ill, wise cracking Doc Holliday? Check, check, and check. It's not as good as some of the more classic westerns, but definately a worthy runner-up. Kilmer's perfomance alone is worth the price of admission.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 79%
"Are you gonna do something? Or just stand there and bleed?" -Wyatt Earp

Watchmen (2009)

Vivid. Violent. Dialogue-heavy. (VVD)

Final Verdict: This film was marketed as an action-oriented, superhero flick, but in actuality, that couldn't be any further from the truth. I read the graphic novel this film is based on and it's long, filled with days and days of dialogue, and rooted in complex political, social, and philosophical ideas. It in no way should be considered an action flick. That aside, the movie is fantastic. Everything great about the book is translated perfectly on film. The visuals, from the gritty, grungy, post-modern sets to the ultra-realistic computer-generated graphics, are gorgeous and should be considered masterpieces in their own right. As for the plot, I can't imagine how I would interpret the film had I not read the book, but as a fan I was more than pleased with the result. The content that was cut was necessary, as were the changes made to the story, and I full-heartidly support Zack Synder's interpretation of the novel. Additionally, the character Rorschach was absolutely phenominal on screen, visually and performance-wise, and the actor who played him, Jackie Earl Haley, deserves some sort of award. My only complaints were that Adrian Veidt's character was cast poorly, some of the costume design changes were pretty lame (i.e. Silk Spectre II, Ozymandias), and some of the scene transitions were awkward and distracting. Overall, it's an amazing film, but won't be for everyone.

Spoiler(s): About halfway through the film someone managed to splice in a good five minutes of hardcore porn. It apparently made its way into every version of the film and every DVD release, but Warner Bros. has yet to release any sort of comment regarding the whole debacle. Unbelieveable.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 64%
"Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon." -Rorschach

Lakeview Terrace (2008)

Machismo. Misogynistic. Intensity. (MMI)

Final Verdict: Samuel L. Jackson is a whore. He's in a thousand movies each year, and as such, it's difficult to determine which titles of his to go see and which ones to avoid like the plague. Some of his performances are brilliant (i.e. Pulp Fiction, Die Hard With A Vengeance, Snakes On A Plane), but others are complete drek (i.e. everything else). Fortunately, Lakeview Terrace can be lumped in the former category. Jackson really shines in his performance as a racist, bitter, alpha-male nieghbor and it's difficult to see anyone else as intimidating as he is in the same role. The script also allows a lot of depth for Jackson's character, which he pulls off with ease, and there is some deep psycological and cultural interaction that occurs between Jackson's character and his new neighbors (Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington). Unfortunately, the movie does have some flaws. The deep tension and realism that is developed in the first three-quaters of the movie just sorta fizzles out near the end. Additionally, since the movie was so rooted in psycological tension throughout most of the film it was disappointing, albeit somewhat expected, to see the ending resort to cliche and generic plot devices. Overall, it was very enjoyable and I must give it my recommendation, if only to see Jackson performing his best in a role that was meant to be his.

Spoiler(s): Who doesn't love a good interracial relationship? I sure do. I watch thousands of them everyday from the comfort and privacy of my own personal laptop.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 47%
"I am the police! You have to do what I say! -Abel Turner

Gran Torino (2008)

Offensive. Meaningful. Brilliant. (OMB)

Final Verdict: Gran Torino is the story of an old, white racist who must find the courage and strength in his heart to overcome his bigotry and save a poor, weak neighborhood of Hmong people from themselves and the surrounding violent minorities. It's clearly not as progressive as it would like you to believe, but cultural significance aside, it's still a fantastic movie. Clint Eastwood gives one of the best performances of his life by making a rude, bitter, openly-racist character likeable and inspiring in his honest, simple, and traditional lifestyle. Eastwood's portrayel of Walt Kowalski is so life-like that I could hardly discern whether the character was real or fictional. Unfortunately, some of the Hmong actors/actresses aren't of the same caliber as Eastwood, and their performances become occassionally distracting. That aside, I absolutely loved this movie and highly recommend it to anyone who is not easily offended.

Spoiler(s): If you own a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon, a loaded-rifle, a Ford pickup truck, and a dog named "Daisy", then you are Captain America and I salute you.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 79%
"Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me." -Walt Kowalski

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

Short. Awful. Dated. (SAD)

Final Verdict: The simply fact about this movie is that it is bad. And not good bad. Bad bad. It's short (an hour long), the dialogue is weak, and the special effects look terrible (i.e. the 50ft characters are half transparent). I'm sure there is a large group of people that love this movie for it's concept or because it's so cheesy, but I'm not one of them. Given that it's so dated I'll give it some kudos for attempting to visualize something difficult at the time, but not enough to recommend it.

Spoiler(s): I hardly saw so much as a side-boob. Fairly disappointing. I expected at least a few upskirt shots, but whatever.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 70%
"Astonishing growth!" -Dr. Isaac Cushing

Taken (2009)

Search. Fight. Repeat. (SFR)

Final Verdict: Nothing new or original can be taken (no pun intended) from this film. It's simple, narrow, and predictable, and if you've seen the trailer then you've seen most of the movie. But luckily, that's part of it's charm. The movie doesn't pretend to be anything it's not. The action is quick, the dialogue is short, and the plot doesn't require the viewer to hang on every word or have a degree in criminal justice. It's refreshing to see a film that doesn't require depth as a prerequisite for A-list actors, good cinematography, and a competent director. Overall, it's a great way to spend an evening, but isn't worth multiple viewings.

Spoiler(s): Being selected for slave-prostituion is just another form of flattery.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 57%
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."- Bryan Mills

The Dark Knight (2008)

Complex. Dark. Masterpiece. (CDM)

Final Verdict: Ironman pushed the superhero genre to it's peak, creating an amazing action/adventure film with awesome special effects and an exciting story. The Dark Knight, however, transcends the genre by merging complex philosophical ideas with compelling characters and a realistic atmosphere. It is by far the best superhero flick around, and possibly my favorite movie of all time. Kudos MUST be given to Heath Ledger, because his role as the Joker is simply the best performance I have ever seen-- hands down. He truly makes this movie what it is. If you haven't seen The Dark Knight yet, then you're a bastard and a communist and nobody likes you. Go see it. :)

Spoiler(s): Batman gets a cold at somepoint in the movie. It's never clear when he gets sick, but throughout the film he sounds nasaly, raspy, and awkward. Maybe Bruce Wayne needs to redesign a warmer bat suit, becasue he only sounds like a f---ing retard with the suit on.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

"Some men just want to watch the world burn." -Alfred Pennyworth

No Country For Old Men (2007)

Intense. Violent. Surprising. (IVS)

Final Verdict: This is a great, great film. The directing is absolutely incredible, the script is one of a kind, and the acting is the best I've seen in years. The dialogue is sharp, powerful, and memorable, and it's the quieter, subtler moments that really shine. There's also an equal amount of gritty, edge-of-your-seat suspense the likes of which I haven't seen since The Shining or What Lies Beneath. Thanks to stellar performances by Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, and Josh Brolin (the three male leads) the characters come alive and make you really care for them. The only MAJOR disappointment is in the last five minutes; the film just sort of abrubtly ends. It's shocking and awkward, and could possibly ruin the movie for some folks. That aside, you should go see it; you will be absolutely amazed and thoroughly entertained.

Spoiler(s): I would spoil the ending... but there isn't one.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 94%

"I always figured when I got older, God would sorta come inta my life somehow. And he didn't. I don't blame him. If I was him I would have the same opinion of me that he does." -Ed Tom Bell

The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

Environmental. Visual. Eh. (EVE)

Final Verdict: Because Hollywood has completely run out of new ideas and must rely on modernizing or updating films of the past, we get a remake of a popular sci-fi movie from the 1950's. The orginal film was essentially a moral story about war and peace, but the remake focuses heavily on environmentalism and global warming (albeit very subtlely). In the beginning it's amazing how alike the old and new films are, but about halfway through the story finally begins to diverge. And while the original film uses dialog to progress the plot, this one relies heavily on special effects; neither strategy works out particularly well though and both seem to settle for a level of mediocracy. I think the original is clearly the better of the two, but this remake is enjoyable as long as the viewer goes into it with very low expectations.

Spoiler(s): Klaatu is still Klaatu, and Gort is still G.O.R.T... the universe can rest easy.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 19%
Polygraph Operator: Do you feel pain?
Klaatu: My Body does.