Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Graphic. Exaggerated. Fun. (GEF)

Final Verdict:This film clearly isn't going to win any awards, but it's still enjoyable for it's over-the-top violence and non-stop action. Don't expect it to be realistic or grounded though, because it's definitely not that. It is, however, a fun way to just "let loose" and watch a maniac murder some bad guys. Compared to Thomas Jane's Punisher it's missing a more interesting, diverse, and sympathetic cast of charaters, but it makes up for it in blood. I feel bad recommending it, but I have no choice; go see it. It's a good way to spend ninety minutes.

Spoiler(s): This film will be re-made/rebooted in another three years starring Shia Labeouf, that new guy from Star Trek, and that other new guy from Avatar.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 26%

"You have the right to shut the fuck up!"-Special Agent Paul Budiansky

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Easy. Big-Budget. Mediocracy. (EBM)

Final Verdict: No matter how much I try and avoid this movie, there's always someone who hasn't seen it yet or someone who wants to watch it. Unforutunately, it's only mediocre at best. There are some humorous moments between Ben Stiller and Jay Baruchel, but they are too few and far between to make the film enjoyable. If you must see it, you might want to fast-forward until the end because the last twenty minutes are actually pretty amusing. However, please try to skip this star-stutted, lackluster film.

Spoiler(s): Tom Cruise makes an appearance, and proves once again that he is one of the best actors/break-dancers of all time.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 82%

"Everybody knows you never go full retard."-Kirk Lazarus

Braveheart (1995)

Aggressive. Noble. Epicness. (ANE)

Final Verdict: Most men secretly wish they could fight for their lives in a battle for freedom, but most men also wish to stay alive; watching Braveheart is a happy and acceptable medium. It's both violent and inspiring, so it has my overwhelming approval. However, if you are not as unflinchingly manly as I am, you may experience feelings of insecurity amd sheepishness watching Mel Gibson slay some brits while you lazily reach from more Cheetohs and popcorn from your LoveSac.

Spoiler(s): Freedom costs a buck 'o five.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 76%

"Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... Our freedom!!!"-William Wallace

Caprica (2009)

Lifeless. Boring. Nostalgia. (LBN)

Final Verdict: Battlestar Galactica was interesting and thought-provoking on many levels, but what drove the show the most was the interactions between the characters and thier connection with the audience. Caprica, on the other hand, has some pretty neat science fiction elements, but the characters are so boring and void of personality that it's hard to care for what happens to them. The nostaglia and TV references may keep your attention throughout the movie, but not enough to come back for more. It will only serve as a stark reminder of the great TV series which is no more.

Spoiler(s): There is some nipple in this film and it's female. Fuck yeah!

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A

Extract (2009)

Unexpected. Heartfelt. Laughter. (UHL)

Final Verdict: This comedy seems to come from a different era; it isn't sexually-charged like Forgetting Sara Marshall nor overtly vulgar like Pineapple Express or Step Brothers. It fits in more with films like Office Space and There's Something About Mary as good, clean, American fun. Each character is extremely likeable, believeable, and downright hilarious. Jason Bateman and Kristen Wiig are great as the loveable-but-dsyfunctional couple, but the real star of the show is newcomer Dustin Milligan as the hopeless romantic, brain-dead male prostitute. It may not be the biggest hit of the year, but it's definately very enjoyable and remarkably funny.

Spoiler(s): Mila Kunis is more of a plot device than a central character. This surprised the heck out of me. If I was the writer I would have written a script revolving around a topless Kunis and her trampoline... with some angry, possibly lesbian, space robots thrown in there for good measure.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 63%

"There he goes... Johnny Horsecock."-Dean

The Nanny Diaries (2007)

Typical. Girlish. Tune-out. (TGT)

Final Verdict: It's not a romantic comedy, but it's definately a chick flick. It's about discovering yourself, the responsibilities of motherhood, falling in love, and other (boring) life lessons. It's generally pretty plain, but has a few chuckles here and there you keep you interested. Scarlett Johansson, while not a bad actress, is nothing extraordinary, and she basically carries the film by her looks. Your girlfriend may find the story cute and amusing, but if you bleed testosterone like I do you'll probably find yourself daydreaming about tanks and ninjas instead of actually paying attention.

Spoiler(s): A college graduate goes to work as a nanny for a rich New York family. Ensconced in their home, she has to juggle their dysfunction, a new romance, and the spoiled brat in her charge. There-- I just saved you ninety minutes.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33%
"There's a common belief among anthropologists that you must immerse yourself in an unfamiliar world in order to truly understand your own."
-Annie Braddock

The Black Freighter (2009)

Horrific. Expansive. Fanfare. (HEF)

Final Verdict: For those that have not read the original Watchmen graphic novel, this 30-minute animated feature about a vengeful pirate won't seem at all relevant to the larger story. Why is that? It's because it was originally written into the novel as an analogy to the events surrounding the main characters, creating powerful, often poetic, imagery to express the unspoken language. By itself, it's still fun and engaging, but without being in the context of the larger story it loses some of it's strength. Also included in the DVD is Under the Hood, a 45-minute fake documentary about the "Minute Men", the novel's superhero team from the 40's and 50's. It's very well produced, includes many missing elements from the film, and stays true to the source material. It sheds some light on the minor characters, and supplies a better understanding of the immensely complex backstory. For fans of the Watchmen, you can't go wrong with this DVD, but I suspect it will be best represented when it's spliced into the actual movie, as it was in the novel. Trouble is, when do you feel like sitting down to watch a four-hour-plus movie?

Spoiler(s): Gerald Butler is the voice of the sea captain. He's also the star of 300 and a slew romantic comedies. I'm as confused as you are.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: N/A